The Awesomely Hot Me~!

Today was freaking awesome! I was out walking the dogs when I found a good amount of money in some bushes! I'm not going to say how much, unless the person who lost it is looking for it. Kesesese~! It's too late anyway! I went home and dropped off the dogs and went to the store! I went on a shopping spree and ended up buying this awesome costume that I looked AWESOME in! It reminded me of something I used to wear a while ago. But I'm bringing this back into style! Kesesese~! I love being so awesome! So after I bought it I went to a photographer and had some awesome pictures taken! Did I ever tell any of you how freaking hot I am? Nein? Well, then... I'M SO AWESOMELY HOT!! Ja! Reality check, the world can't handle mein awesome hotness! Kesesese~! 

The Blankets

So! Funny story time! Last night I stayed awake until about 4am. Why did I do this? Because I'm awesome! Kesesese~! Anyway I fell asleep between 4 and 4:30 and it was wonderful. Unfortunately I woke up at 4:35 to a persistent knocking at mein door. Mein actual fist thought was this...

"Old man Fritz?"

Ja Prussia, Old Man Fritz is knocking at your bedroom door at 4:30 in the morning... Anyway, I hear West's voice and he said for me to let his dog into mein room because he was going to let the puppy out of the kennel and he didn't want them fighting again. Mein brain's response to this was...

"The blankets!! Ich brau sei!!!"

So I grab all the blankets on mein bed and thrash around for a bit, ripping them from the mattress. The lack of sleep took its affect on mein brain as I tried to stand and walk to the door. With only twenty minutes or so of sleep, I was having a hard time standing up straight. And instead of walking, I half stumbled, half fell across mein bedroom. I somehow managed to make it to the door still clutching mein blankets. I opened the door and the dog ran inside. I looked at mein bruder who looked a little shocked by me. I wan't naked this time! I was half standing, half being supported by mein door and was clinging to mein blankets like I was gonna die if I let them go. Fortunately he didn't seem to want anything else and turned away. I closed the door.

I turned to go back to mein bed and noticed that I had dropped mein blankets to mein feet at some point. I leaned over to pick them up and almost face planted into the floor! I tried again, useing the wall to brace meinself. I was a bit more successful this go round and managed to grab a couple of them. But I soon realized that I was going to need two hands as mein ability to function still lacked something to be desired.

I finally picked up all the blankets and looked back to mein bed. The trail of destruction I'd left in mein wake was quite wide. An overturned laundry basket, mein mattress askew, mein laptop cords (that had caught on mein foot when I got up initially) were thrown about, and that's when I realized something painfully obvious...

This would have been so much easier if I'd just left mein blankets on mein bed to begin with...

Reality check, you need more than twenty minutes of sleep to be able to function.

Dr. Beilschmidt You're Needed In Surgery!!

Today was awesome! Okay, okay! I was at the second dancing lesson when the dance instructor tripped over my foot and hurt her leg pretty bad. We had to take her to the hospital. Kesesese~! I was bored once we got there but they asked us to stay because she was going to need a ride home so we stayed. I was looking through some of the lame magazines when I realized that there were so many awesome things to be done in a hospital. So... mein friends and I borrowed some doctor uniforms that were sitting on a cart to go and explore the more interesting places that the doctors never let you see!

So we went to the x-ray room and good times were had! Kesesese~! We figured out how to work the machine-thing no problem and we all took pictures! I told Dr. Bonnefoy that he had to have his head examined so we took an x-ray of his head. He felt really weird afterwards. We were about to take a picture of Dr. Fernandez Carriedo's brain when a security guy came in...We were escorted from the hospital. But before we left we were told that it was really bad that we took so many pictures and that we should talk to a doctor about the consequences but that we weren't allowed to come back to this hospital. I don't see what the big deal was. So what if France started throwing up everywhere? That's not my problem! Reality check I make an awesome doctor! Kesesese~!

Dancing Genius!!

Hallo, hallo! I am awesome! AND I had an awesome day! So France actually talked me and Spain into taking dance lessons. And wouldn't you know I'm a natural! Kesesese~! Not much to tell about the class, it was boring. But the dance instructor picked me to be her partner because I was the most awesome dancer in the whole class. France and Spain were so jealous! Kesesese~! Reality check, you'll never be as awesome as me!

Not Cool Guys!! NOT COOL!!

Okay, I have to be honest... Even though I am freaking AWESOME!! Today was freaking STUPID! I woke up late and laid in bed until noon! I don't get to do that often, normally West comes pounding on mein door to tell me that I was wasting mein life away doing nothing and there are chores and blah, blah, blah. I was pretty hungover this morning so laying in bed felt nice and the house was quiet too! Well, until I heard someone snoring... I pulled off the covers to mein bed and saw France spooning Spain under mein covers and France had mein awesome boxers in his hands... Now I know why I've been waking up naked. I grabbed mein boxers and put them back on and yelled at them to get their f*cking gay a$$e$ out of mein bed! What were they doing in here to begin with! And what the hell happened last night!?!? I knew that Spain was hugging mein left leg, but I didn't realize that there were four or five different hickeys on mein leg until he picked up his head and looked at me!! THE HELL SPAIN?!? I guess Spain got it worse, France left marks all over Spain's neck and shoulders! Kesesese~! Serves him right for defiling mein awesome with his un-awesome man-mouth. *sigh* I don't remember how any of this happened but we're going to forget about this and never speak of it again. Reality check, if you ever wake up naked, it was France. (and in case anyone is curious. We are NOT gay!! Though I do question France on a regular basis. Kesesese~!)

So Totally Wasted!!! Kesese~!

Sooooooo~! I think I'm sobver enough to type nmow. Today weas awesome!! I was partyiing at the bar and it was pretty freakling awesome. I don't relly remember muych about what happened after the singing, buut I'm sure it wasn't anytghing too bad. I'll uipload the video West took of our awesome dancing cause I freaking rock. I lovbe you gfuys! You hguys are pretty aewsome, like me! I AM AWESOME!! Realiyu check, Egland doesnm't like to dace! Kesesese~! Too bad! Party hard or go home! F****ck.. mein head is staring to hurt.

Was ist da los?!

Today was awesome! and yet really, really weird! First thing this morning I woke up naked (I don't know why that keeps happening), then West's dog, the one with the already broken leg, fell down the stairs AND THIS TIME IT REALLY WASN'T ME!!! After that, the toilet overflowed for no reason. I didn't try and flush anything down there this time, I swear! Kesesese~! So right after I got out of the shower I was checking out mein awesome muscles in the mirror when the light bulb in the bathroom went out! I tried to find a towel, but there weren't any in the cabinet, so I figured it'd be okay to walk down the hall to mein room in all mein awesome glory. But when I turned the corner to go to mein room, I ran into West who was talking to Italy and Japan in the middle of the damn hallway! You know, I hear that Japan takes baths with other people, so I don't see why he got so embarrassed by mein five meters. I mean, it's not like he's never seen one before! Kesesese~! He was probably just surprised by how BIG and AWESOME it was! I can be very intimidating. Anyway, West threw me into mein room and I got dressed only to go down stairs and open the fridge to find out that we were out of beer! Beer!! of all the things to be out of, why did it have to be the BEER?!?! Oh, and the fridge had gotten unplugged somehow and everything inside had gone bad. It smelled horrible. So I closed the door of the fridge before the smell reached West and I grabbed mein keys and mein coat and I left. There was no way I was going to help with that mess. So I called up mein friends and we partied all day. Reality check, the world can't handle mein AWESOME! (And neither can Japan! Kesesese~!)

I Had A Good Day!

I AM AWESOME!!! I am a bit sore from wiping out on that game show yesterday, but other than that, I'm pretty freaking awesome. I came home from work and had a few beers and relaxed in mein room. You know, living life loud is awesome, but sometimes it's nice to just sit back and enjoy a good beer, some good music, and just rest. It helps to refuel mein awesomeness, not that I ever run out of awesome. Kesesese~! Reality check... uhm... F*ck I can't think of a Reality check for today! Hmm... Screw it, I need another beer! Kesesese~!

This Is Why I'm Single...

Guten Abend! I WAS ON A GAME SHOW!!! Mein awesome self was selected from the audience to participate in the obstacle course! I got to choose a partner to do the course with me too. Unfortunately I had to pick some random person because as soon as my name was called stupid West disappeared! I ended up with some hot chick and no, I'm not talking about Gilbird. Kesesese~! Anyway, the awesome me was doing awesomely but that stupid girl was always tripping and falling into me. I mean, I understand why, I'm me! But couldn't she have waited until AFTER the game show?! She was pushing me to jump before I was ready and I slipped. I LOST!!! and it was all her fault! This is why I'm single. Reality check, hot chicks suck at obstacle courses...

Spaniards Can't Fly! Kesesese~!

Tag everyone! In case anyone was wondering, the ability to fly is an awesome one. Birds fly, insects fly, pigs fly (Kesese~!), I mean, Gilbird does it all the time! But I am going to share something with you all that you might not like... People cannot fly. That's right. I said it. It is unfortunate but true. So here's a little advise for anyone who doesn't believe me. Always find someone else to jump off the roof with your new hand glider before you do it yourself, just to make sure it'll work. I am too awesome to jump off mein roof and plummet to mein doom like a Dummkopf, so I had someone else do it for me! (It was Spain. Kesesese~!) France and I were actually a little worried until Spain started to move again. Reality check, gravity is unforgiving and the ground is really hard! Kesesese~! (Maybe next time we'll make France jump off the roof! Then pigs really would fly!! Kesesese~!!)

Taking Names and Wrecking Balls!!!

*sigh* You win some, you lose some, and today... I lost some. But that's okay because it was AWESOME!! Spain and France and I were all out painting mein Museum of Awesome when the wrecking ball showed up and needless to say I wasn't going to give it up without a fight! Mr. High-And-Mighty Foreman came over and told us we had to leave. That's when I told him that  he had to leave because he was trespassing on mein awesomeness! Kesesese~! But when he said that they were going to tear down mein Museum, let's just say, I didn't throw the first punch. No matter what that foreman guy says, it wasn't me! So the police showed up and carried me and Spain off to jail. I have no idea what happened to France... So I'm on mein smart phone (I told them I didn't have mein phone with me so don't tell them!) in mein cell, waiting for mein Bruder who was supposed to be here an hour ago to bail me out. Stupid West must have gotten lost again. He can never seem to find the jail without me being in the car with him. It usually takes him hours to get here... Reality check, if you sit on a metal bench long enough your a$$ falls asleep and that foreman can punch really f*cking hard!! At least I got a good picture of me and mein friends before the police showed up! Kesesese~!

I'm So Awesome I Surprise Even Me!

Hallo! I AM AWESOME!! Today was so freaking awesome! I was painting mein Museum of Awesome with mein friends France and Spain when I realized something... I'm a freaking artist! I don't know why I never noticed this before!! I was painting the wall on the side of the building really fast just trying to get done quick, when I looked up and there it was! The most awesome piece of art work I have ever seen! I should have done this a long time ago! Kesesese~! Reality check, I AM SO FREAKING AWESOME!!!

Museum Of AWESOME!!!

Guten Tag! I can't tell you how confused I am as to how mein Bruder could be so LAME! I mean, you'd think he'd be at least a little bit awesome because I'm his big Bruder. But I am here to tell you that that is not the case! Can you believe that he got mad at me today just because I bought an old building downtown? I told him that I was going to turn it into the Museum of Awesome where I could put all mein awesome stuff from way back to show everyone that I have been AWESOME forever. I'd charge people to go in so it's like the building would pay for itself anyway! The person I bought it from tried to talk me out of it by saying, "But it's condemned!" It looked fine to me! Just wait, West'll be so jealous of mein awesome Museum of Awesome, I'll make him wish that he hadn't called me an idiot! He'll feel like a total Dummkopf when I refuse him entrance to see the awesomeness within! Ah man, it's going to look so cool when I finish painting it too! I AM SO AWESOME!!! ... though, I might need some help... Reality check, it takes more than one guy to paint a three story building. Maybe I can recruit Spain and France to help! Kesesesese~!

I Went On A Walk Today!

Hallo, hallo! I had an awesome day today! I actually went for a walk because it was just so nice out! Gilbird was quite happy about it too. I went down to the river and looked out at all the birds that were returning after the long winter. I could hear the wind in the trees and the rippling, rushing sound of the river. Everything felt so peaceful. That's when I thought to myself, "It's way too damn quiet!" I mean, the sun felt nice, but geez! Why does nature have to be so lame?! So, I went home and played music really loud in mein room for a couple hours to make up for the time I spent outside. I had just decided that I'd been listening to music long enough when West flipped the breaker to mein room. Apparently he was shouting at me to turn it down but the music was so loud it was drowning out his voice. Mein bad! Kesesese~!

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I want to tell you all something that has been weighing on mein mind lately. I am awesome, mein little Gilbird is awesome, mein life is awesome, everything that is 'me' is awesome. *sigh* Being awesome is the best! But it's just too bad no one else knows how this feels. No really, sometimes I feel bad because I know no one else will ever be as awesome as I am. It's actually quite sad. But it is a reality I have grown to accept over the years. I AM AWESOME!!! Reality check, being awesome is a full time job but I awesomely accept the challenge! Kesesesese~!

AUSTRIA'S A LOSER!!! Kesesese~!

Tag everybody! I AM AWESOME!!! Today, I saw that loser Austria at the vet when West and I went to pick up his dog. Who else out there didn't know that Austria had a pet? But apparently he does. He has a hamster! How lame! I knew that guy was a loser! He named it Franz Liszt and he took him to the vet because he isn't running in his wheel and can't figure out why! So, I tried to say hallo to the little guy but Austria wouldn't let me near him. He said, "Get away! You'll scare him to death with your awesome!" kesesese~! I didn't make that up, that's what he said. Turns out his hamster's leg was broken! It made me laugh because of how ironic it was that I broke West's dog's leg on almost the same day!....oh no! West is coming!! I didn't do it West, I swear! West? WEST!!! NEIN!!!;al sihtp  akf  fksd....... a;sfi...
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In case anyone was wondering what just happened... Apparently I talk while I type I should stop doing that and West heard me and hit me several times with mein keyboard. Reality check, you can bruise mein face but you cannot bruise mein AWESOME! And also, West can hear through walls... I'll feel better once I get meinself a beer! Kesesesese~!

IT WASN'T ME!! kesesese~!

Was oben ist, Leute! I had another AWESOME day! We had to take West's dog to the vet because someone (not me) accidentally kicked it off the back porch because it wouldn't stop barking! The stupid thing fell and broke it's leg so now West is having to pay for it to be mended! This whole thing could have been avoided if West had taught his dumb dog how to keep it's mouth shut. Anyway, I finished work early today and ended up having more time to write in mein blog! So I wrote an awesome poem for mein Bruder! Ehem...

'Roses are red

Violets are blue

No matter how hard you try

I'll always be more awesome than you!

Also, I didn't kick your dog and break its leg.' ~ Awesome Prussia

West says mein poem sucks but I think he's just brooding because he can't prove that I'm the one who kicked his dog. Reality check, I am innocent until proven guilty!! Kesesesese~! I AM AWESOME!!

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I AM NOT BLIND!

Hallo everyone! I'm sure you are interested in knowing how mein day was. IT WAS AWESOME!! Same as usual. Nothing new to report except that I fell off a cliff. Well, I ALMOST fell off a cliff. West grabbed me and pulled me back up. I told him that I did it on purpose and then walked away laughing. He felt like an idiot, I could see it on his not-awesome face! He knows I am awesome and will never question mein eyesight again! I even took a picture to share the moment with you all! Here's a reality check, little Bruder! I AM AWESOME!!! Keseseses~!